I currently dont know how many of these i have consumed

James and the giant peach

80 year old diners and stolen VCRs

It is effin gloomy out

The Modern Evolution of Transportation

Remember when the first Segway scooter came out? It was supposed to revolutionize transportation, and it did! For years the Segway remained unchanged, why mess with perfection , right? But if you combine perfection, with amazingness, you get gold BABY! and by that I'm talking about the combination of Segway and Rollerblades that is.....

THE EASY GLIDER

Presenting The Easy Glider

THE FUTURE IS NOW!!!

You can even combine your longboard with it, and if theres one thing I like is finding new ways to enjoy my ol' sector nine long board! shred on bra!


The segway is not the only mode of transportation to get a modern facelift.. look out cyclists, you better make some room in that dumpster for your fixie because there is a new weird bike on the market..

THE H-ZONTAL BIKE



This takes real skill to pilot, a real man to harness... are you man enough?

It looks like the future of transportation is bright

so bright I have to wear shades...

HOLY FUCK!!!!!1111oneoneone

This is the ultimate in frat-ish douche-baggary.

Slow and steady wins the race

Often times I have fucked up doing something because I was in a rush, maybe pouring cereal, or pumping up a bike tire... but those usually end in a small mess or a popped tire. One young father has paid the ultimate price for not taking the extra second, or ten, to problem solve:

(not actual picture of said father)

A 22 year old man by the name of Miguel Angel Rivera Lemus fell on a knife trying to save his children that he accidentally locked in the car.

police said "the couple tried to find a way to open the car. The wife searched for a spare set of keys. Lemus, meanwhile, grabbed a large butcher knife which police believe he was going to use to pry open the car’s window"

"But as Lemus went out of the apartment, he fell down six stairs and landed on the knife"

.....Well fuuuuck........

Police said "he managed to return to the apartment unit and asked his wife to call 911. She had been able to get the children out of the car using a spare set of keys. The children were not injured"

He later died at Carolinas Medical Center


(Original story)

Batman & Robin forever

I know Robin has been left out of the last couple of Batmovies, so here is a tribute to Batman and Robin and their un-dieing bond that has survived generations....

The optimist

Craigslist is an amazing resource, you can find jobs, housing, or almost anything you'd want to buy second hand...... Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, as I currently do. A quick browse of craigslist for Lloydminster's things for sale you get less than 5 listings in the last 2 months. One listing is for a 80 ft HAM Radio tower, seemingly very useless... but it is only 300 dollars... soooo bargain! Also up for sale is both pokemon red and blue 50 bucks, again bargain! but that's about it, unless you go to the personals section. That section is just flooded, but it's all from one 38 year old man looking for a good time. Every couple days he posts multiple listings looking for a lady to join him for a night of no strings attached hotel room fun. The thing is he is the only listing on the personals for the entire town. He's also been posting for some time......

because as you can see sometime between July 14th and August 1st he went from a 37 male to a 38 male..... So here is to you Lloydminsters most optimistic man, Happy belated Birthday! Keep reaching for that rainbow

Git learn'D: Olympic Games

I spend allot of my free time on the internet, and sometimes I even learn things. For example, there are many sports in the Olympic games you may not know (or care) about. For example I never knew about this Modern Pentathlon. It makes that cross-country skiing and gun shooting winter sport look like a cake walk on easy street... but who knows these days maybe cake eating street walking could be a olympic sport some day, here's hoping... but anyway Modern Pentathlon is fencing, pistol shooting, 200m freestyle swimming, show jumping on horseback, and then a 3km run... Holy Fuck....



I believe all future wars should be fought using only these 5 disciplines, and broadcast , I'm sure allot of horses would be slain... but im sure there is a glue shortage somewhere.... right?

A couple new sports also made their debut at these Olympic games:

BMX:


Olympic Girl Kissing:



And

The Chinese Fire Drill


... my bet is China for gold.. almost seems unfair really

MANdy

Seems like a special someone has a secrect admirer on the lil ol missed connections..


WHO?




Sound like anyone you knooow?

Git learn'D: Lifetime Achievement; Hulk Hogan

Hulk Hogan first appeared to me as a wrestling Superstar, ever since I remember wrestling I can remember Hulk being there. I'm pretty sure he wrestled late into his 70s. But the wrestling ring was not big enough for him, he was a star that no steel cage could contain. He went on to appear in many amazing films such as;



Which now shows how much of a ripoff artist Vin Desil is, Pacifier my ass.


I actually remember renting this as a kid but it didn't work, fucking VHS tapes, so we returned it and rented the fucking SUPER SCOPE!


and it ruled.... but anyways....


Santa with muscles, of course a obvious precursor to the smash hit...

JINGLE ALL THE WAY!

I have nothing bad to say about Jingle all the way.... I actually enjoy this movie, and have viewed it at least 20 times in its entirety

One would think, after years and years of Hulkamania, old Hogan would slow down..... FUCK NO! He is all over the place, American Gladiators, Hogan Knows Best, and pimping out his daughter, he shows no sign of slowing down those 24 inch pythons. Not saying he didn't fumble in a few of his ventures.....


PASTAMANIA!

Apperantly nobody wanted to go to a Hulk Hogan Pasta restaurant, go figure, but he sure was enthusiastic about it



A Music Career


So Brooke Hogan isnt the first musician in the Hogan lineage, Hulk released an amazing CD, with a great track list:

1. Hulkster's in the House

2. American Made

3. Hulkster's Back

4. Wrestling Boot Traveling Band

5. Bad to the Bone

6. I Want To Be A Hulkamaniac

7. Beach Patrol

8. Hulk's The One

9. Hulkster in Heaven

10. Hulk Rules

All are pretty good song's but the standout is the very danceable, I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac:



Now I Leave you with Baby Hulk, a picture I photoshopped years ago, a time when I frequented internet forums, where I once posted it. I lost the picture off my computer, as it was made at least four to five computers ago. But the picture resurfaced as my friend Eric's Facebook profile picture. Imagine my surprise to learn the stupid photoshop I made years ago circled around the internet, and to come back to me again ......... OOOooo OOoooo Its magic, you know.



God bless Hulk, God bless

BOY TOYS!

When I was young I always looked forward to Christmas and my birthday... why?... MOTHERFUCKING presents that's why. But as I got older and less interested in toys and video games, and no longer trusted the judgment of my parents to get me a present that I'd actually enjoy, these occasions turned into "I get money so I can feed myself and continue my ridiculous lifestyle days". I'm always envious of my friends who get presents from their parents that are thoughtful, practical, or show that the parents know their child at least a little. So now that I have two jobs, and I can feed myself, I hope maybe the days could return... so mom If you finally figured out to use a computer... which in all honesty I hope you haven't..... I only want one thing for my birthday next month......







GIANT FUCKING JENGA!!!!


THIS ISNT YOU GRANDMOTHERS FUCKING JENGA!!! as you can see she is about to shit her fucking pants!!!

Because if toy companies these days knew shit, they would just take what I liked as a kid and make it fucking giant.

like a giant Lego T-Rex, its just awesome people



But toy companies are to busy making things like........

Cum on your Friends guns



And Basement Flooding Pups




Kids these days are gonna grow up to be super messed up methinks..

JESUS CHRIST, your good at sports!

Get one of these Jesus motivational statues for the little team sports enthusiast in your life at CRISTIAN SHOPPER DOT COM

Jesus can help you with your swing.


Also Jesus is always down to settle disputes with violence.


I though Jesus didn't like hockey because he was always getting nailed into the boards...


Let jesus help you with your grip.


don't side tackle Jesus... its rude...


But tackling him is still fair game.


Holy fuck he dosen't even wear ski boots, those are just sandals on skis, H-Core Jesus.... H-Core...


Last but not least, Jesus is always down for a little rollerblading... on grass....

Sick ink bra!

I'm currently in a small town in Alberta, It is called Lloydminster. The people here enjoy the simpler things in life, like white sunglasses, puka shell necklaces, UFC, yellow cars, and white sunglasses. Also I see allot of questionable tattoos, tribal and barbed wire are popular, as are fire. Today I was in line at the local Canadian Tire and I saw a young man with a leg tattoo, it was simply the Dragon optic company logo. It is not the first time Ive seen this particular tattoo on someone in this town but I did feel it was worth documenting. I didn't have a blogging device on me so I quickly photo-shopped a image of it.


(he didnt have a cyborg leg, it was just one of the first photos that came up on google)


SICK INK BRA!

alsooo....




I took this pic when I was still in Whistler... I saw this dude at the bar... and I immediately ran to Fraser to borrow to his camera to capture the magic.. I'm thinking of getting this piece for myself.

Classifieds

Some times I just browse around craigslist or kijiji, just to find ridiculous classifieds, or hilarious personals. So you can imagine the surprise when I came across this gem "want to trade new pocket bike for small breed puppy". My first thought was "are you serious!?" and clicked the link wondering what kind of person tries to trade a miniature motorcycle for a dog. Hoping for another portal to failure, what I actually found was a very sweet story of a kid trying to trade his pocket bike for a dog to cheer up his mother, as she had recently lost a dog....

You can see the original add here:

(click to enlarge)

Damn you Internet classifieds, for restoring some of my faith in humanity.... I guess I have to go to the mall now, and look at fat people in UFC shirts with dirty white sneakers, to feel better about myself..

PSAs

When I was a kid I remember seeing this.... and I thought it was real, I was a dumb kid, ok...... I always wanted myself a house hippo, seemed like they would make a good pet, and they were so gosh darn cute. I came across it again a handful of times still didn't think think anything of it until one day I actually listened to the last part of it. A message telling me that it wasn't real, It took a little while to sink in and once again I am a fucking idiot.





I seems like a coons age since I first came across this PSA, and according to the phone number and website it was originally on it's from Calgary. Apparently it was to sweary and punchy to be shown on TV, but given the choice between the workplace accident PSAs and this I'd much rather have this airing on TV. Sure the workplace accident one have shock value but these domestic violence ones have staying power. And if you haven't seen the workplace accident ones here they are:



Not AS funy as the domestic violence ones.... so to end this post on a good note one more domestic violence PSA!

And the gold medal goes to

To go with the weightlifting theme, this guy won the gold metal at Beijing, for wanting it bad enough... i belive gold medals should be awarded for wanting it bad enough.... he ended up trying so hard that he turned his arm backwards..... thanks for keeping the bones under the skin champ!










Heart of a champion, arm of a corkscrew...

Hey Remember: Pokemon

When pokemon hit the scene I was super into it, I was into the game and I was into the show. Every day after school I'd get home and grab a fat stack of oatmeal raisin cookies, and head to the basement where I'd watch the new episode of Pokemon and jam out to the Pokerap. It was sick, while it lasted, but eventually the episodes became reruns, and I pretty much mastered the pokerap. I did continue to squeeze many hours of enjoyment out of that little red cartridge, and yes I had red, because Charizard is bad ass, and fire is cool. The only reason you should have blue is because your friend already had red, and you guys wanted to trade shit. No one should pick squirtle by choice as their first main pokemon... because given the choice between fire and water, the choice is always fire is and always will be way more bad ass. You don't give your kids flamethrowers, you give them Super-Soakers, because its pussy kid shit. Bulbasaur is Switzerland, neutral territory, but he did shoot leaves like ninja stars... and ninjas are cool, so he is cooler than those quee'ah squirtles. Also by the rules of Captain Planet, fire is a bad ass American, possibly one of the world's only ginger superheros, and water is a Asian girl... So to review fire is for bad asses burning shit, and water is for little Asian girls. If you still think water is cool because it puts out fire, tell it to the burn ward.







Also fucking mewtwo... the most wile and elusive pokemon of them all... fuck him...






So If anyone remembers mewtwo there is only one of him in the entire game. I had to fight him over and over and over again. He was way to hard to capture, and trying to catch him ended in a drained battery on more than one occasion for me. But after much stick-to-it-iveness I caught him..... a feat I believed few capable of. So I went to my one friends house to gloat about it... yea my one friend... because I was, and probably still am, a loser. And when I dropped the knowledge on him about my conquest, he asked why I didn' just use the masterball... the pokeball that catches anything first try.....FUCK...... totally forgot about the masterball.... why? because I used it on a fucking Pikachu.... because I wanted a fucking pikachu...fuck...... and with that all the pokemon mastery I believed I had, turned into a realization that I'm a fucking idiot....