How To: feel better about yourself

Whenever i'm feeling down on myself, I like to take comfort in the fact that no matter how bad things get, there is always someone more sad and pathetic than I could ever be. Now I'm sure you're asking "but James how can I observe the complete bottom of the barrel, without their loserieness rubbing off on me, and infecting my life with hepatitis F(ailure)?" I have your answer.... CRAIGSLIST! , yes craigslist. I suggest you head over there and read the personals they will make you all bright eyed and bushy tailed about life. Not only does it let you observe the loserieness of people in your immediate area, and not have to be physically near them, but there is a special little nook of failure that never, ever, EEeeeeeever gets to see the bright light of success. This nook, is missed connections.

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This is a special area for the socially retarded to post when a girl or guy maybe looked at or talked to them, and they go home to post on the internet, to ask the person if they were flirting, or interested in them... the thing is, in 120% of these missed "connections", the person being sought after does not see the posting. This is because the person was not interested, and if they were, their first thought would not be to go home and check if this person posted a missed connection on craigslist.

exhibit a:


to: 2 Cute Girls, dark Toyota Echo, southbound - m4w (St. Albert Trail, N. of Yellowhead)

I was in a grey jeep. You smiled over at me and kinda giggled to each other and I smiled back, kinda surpised looking. When I looked over again, you two were gone, at least 10 cars back in the traffic. It was a Monday or Tuesday.

this is only a little sad... I'm sure those girls were not laughing at him, it must have been something that gosh darn Howard Stern said on the radio, he's a laugh riot... but that's nothing compared to the cases of full blown F.A.I.D.S (Failure A.I.D.S)

exhibit b:

to: Girl at the Cosco in Burnaby


i dont normally do this, nor do i think you'll be looking here but...

you were sitting across from me, drop dead gorgeous aussie, new z or brit...coudln't tell - usually can...didn't want to over-eaves drop, ha... thought you were with that guy that may have been a coworker?

anyway, i was too chicken to intervene or at least say hi...you were stunning... i was tired and annoyed by work; though hardly an excuse..

i actually dont remember the last time i had a hot dog, but i may have to visit again..though by the sounds of it you'll never eat there.. lunch at some place good?

ahhh eavesdropping, then posting on the Internet about it, the true way to a woman's heart

these are but weak examples of what great failures walk amongst us.. some times you'll stumble upon postings so bad that you will quit looking because seemingly nothing will ever top it... the greatest one I have had the pleasure of reading was about a girl trying to get a hold of a guy she preformed felatio on and his only distinguishing marking was a Meatloaf album cover he had tattooed on his pelvis area.