Team Sports

ITS OVER!

2008-09-19T22:03:00.000-07:00

FUCK THIS BLOG! we have moved!

WWW.THETEAMSPORTS.COM

so go there from now on! im still working on it.. but yea go there.

WWAD Wednesdays Issue 3!

2008-09-17T16:29:00.000-07:00

So it's James's birthday. And since he's my tight homie, I had to go above and beyond.

So, from me and Buphinderjeet and Rajmihnder. Happy Birthday!

Too tired to make a real blog post

2008-09-16T21:01:00.000-07:00

it's been a long day... and tomorrow is my birthday so I'm gonna be real lazy... and if this bothers you, you need to find a better source of entertainment, maybe look at one of those other thousand blogs that popped up in the last 5 minutes. I occasionally look at some others, and they suck.... so good luck

Missed Mondays: Lloydminster's Optimist is back

2008-09-15T20:06:00.000-07:00

The Lloydminster craigslist optimist is back.... and I guess things didn't go do well, He has quit asking for just straight up no strings attached fun. He has now started offering money, I'm not sure if this legal, but atleast he's still trying. So if any girls need extra cash for college/university, I have found your man!

FUCK IT fridays: BitchBoards

2008-09-12T19:27:00.000-07:00

Go to bitch boards dot com..

Women's snowboarding has just been sent back another 20 years.

.....meh oh well

Technology Thursdys: Spore

2008-09-11T20:24:00.000-07:00

Spore is what may be described as a evolution simulation. It is the creation of game designer Will Wright, who created practically every game starting with SIM, like Sim City, Sim World, Sim Ant, Sim Copter, Sim Life, and the Sims. In this game you control a species from single cell organism, all the way to galactic conquest and everything between.

You start as a single cell organism(for this demonstration, I'll be using a dick shaped organism, because I am not mature and this is funny to me) Your goal is to survive, evolve and eventually make it to land)

Eventually you evolve into a land creature, from here you have to either make friends or eliminate the other packs of creatures on the island you are situated on.

Eventually you will develop more, you can use tools and discover fire, you are now a primitive tribe. Once again you are faced with the choice to make friends or destroy the other tribes.

One of the amazing things about this game is it has a primitive, but easy to use tool for designing almost everything in the game. You pick how all your buildings look, you design the vehicles your people drive, even a space ship you travel the galaxy in. You can basically make everything look like anything you want..... again for this example I made them all dicks.... because dick shaped things are just funnier........unless your mature.

If you dont thing a dick in a top hat is funny, your probably on the wrong blog.

Honestly I just made planet of the dicks for use on this blog. My real civilization are unicorns... and they are just magic. And yes I do understand planets of dicks and unicorns may seem real QUEE'AH, but fuck it I don't care, because I keep it real like that. But in all seriousness this game is real cool, even if you don't like video games( because you have social skills or something) you will probably dig this game, it's real cool like that. So check it out, or don't.

CineMagic Indeed

2008-09-10T20:37:00.000-07:00

If I was in charge of sign changing at CineMagic theaters, I also would take a break half way through changing Hancock to the dark night....
'
CHEERS!

WWAD Issue 2.2!

2008-09-10T16:07:00.000-07:00

TOPS!

WWAD Wednesdays Issue 2!

2008-09-10T15:54:00.000-07:00

I've been looking into getting some professionaly done dog portrait's done the last few days.

But after a close inspection on a select number of Vancouver photography studios, I don't know if I really want to 'break the bank' for things that could very well turn out like these and eventually leak onto the world wide web onto some dick's blog.

But I'm balling, and the internet doesn't scare me so I'm doing it.

Alright? Alright.

delay

2008-09-10T00:40:00.000-07:00

there will be a delay in git learn'd Tuesday... i bought spore today, and It has basically ate up all my free time. Spore is basically SIM-Evolution, you can practically make any creature you want....

my lack of maturity, caused me to create a tribe of dick creatures... go fig

surfs up, mien fuer!

2008-09-08T21:22:00.000-07:00

please please please someone go to ebay or amazon and buy me this movie

ps: my birthday is coming up... so please please buy it for my birthday

Missed Mondays

2008-09-08T19:45:00.000-07:00

Alright first Missed Connection Monday, This week I found two missed connections from the same coffee shop. I sure hope they have WIFI there, and these were both posted from the coffee shop, that would just be magic.

(click image for full version)

Nothing says love like old boobs hanging out of rainbow tube tops

A close call with manslaughter is always a good story to tell your grandchildren how you met. I hope they find each other just for that reason. I hope some day I get myself one of those stories, preferably with a close call with manslaughter included. But i cant really think of a situation that would fill that criteria... any ideas?

Latersay Saterday

2008-09-07T16:39:00.000-07:00

Dear, Guy who sat next to me at the movie

If you stomp on my feet on the way to the washroom, on your way back please don't stomp on my feet even harder on your way back in... you heard me say "OOoowww" don't pretend you didn't, don't just sit there looking like a Chaz Broski.

2008-09-07T01:16:00.000-07:00

Beercycling!!

FUCK IT Fridays: cont

2008-09-05T13:59:00.000-07:00

So cruising youtube, for videos of the Osiris D3s and i find this...

My Osiris D3s and funky No Fear Socks

I don't get it.... how does this even happen?... and all the comments on it are super positive.... it boggles my mind

FUCK IT Fridays: Sucking and Blowing, you out of the water

2008-09-05T10:46:00.000-07:00

Kim Yoo Suk, such a unfortunate name, I hope one day he wins a metal and the crowd starts chanting his name. But it doesn't seem like he did all that well anyways, so maybe, Kim Yoo possibly do Suk.

Oh awesome! Hannah Montana concert candy, they come in microphone, guitar, and flaccid penis shapes, FINALLY something to suck on during a Saturday afternoon watching the Disney channel in my underwear.

If I learned anything from Disney, Ice Cube, and Tim Allen, it's road trips, and going camping, can fix any problems a family has. To some people, this is camping, getting into a tour bus, that costs more than many peoples homes, and driving somewhere to "rough it". Tim Allen did it in RV and Pete and PJ did it in a Goofy Movie. I get it you have all this money, you might as well do something retarded with it. If i had a extra million to spend on a RV chances are this would be roughing it to me. So why half ass the retarded luxury, when your RV can also be a yacht.

Its amazing what money can do, but hey junior is gonna be late because traffic to the Hamptons this time of fall is just murder.

Good thing he got this as a graduation present, time for family bonding!

Technology Thursdys

2008-09-04T17:48:00.000-07:00

Trek: Belt Drive

Sick of your bike chain greasing up your fresh new jeans? Well it looks like chains may be out in the Fewtch. Belt driven bikes are being put into development, by some major bike companies. Belt driven bikes apperantly don't stretch or break over time, I didnt even know chains stretch... but apperantly they do, says Treck bikes, who are releasing a couple belt driven bikes in the near future. The system looks super neato and far out, but it's also pricey with bikes starting at $930. I wonder if they work with those quee'ah fixied gear bikes, only time will tell..

Also in design news, I seriously want to pee on this!

It looks like a good time, and boy do I like peeing and sports simultaneously

ANDY!

2008-09-03T14:15:00.000-07:00

oh shit those are BOGIES!!

WWAD Wednesdays Issue 1!

2008-09-03T11:55:00.001-07:00

Russians? Bears? and Motorcycles?

I would do this!

GIt learn'D: New format

2008-09-02T22:06:00.000-07:00

All right, I have decided to throw some format into this shit show of a blog. So what that means is each day of the week is gonna have a theme, so this blog has some kind of direction. I have been lacking direction in my blogging lately and so I've just been super lazy about it. So here we go!

MONDAY: Missed Connections Mondays
I will personaly scourer craigslist for the best missed connection I can find, and give my two cents about it.

TUESDAY: Git learn'D Tuesdays
Tuesdays are a day where I'll pick a subject and educate you about It, for example I think next TuesdayIi may write about why I think recycling is a stupid waste of time and resources. So stay tuned for that.

WEDNESDAY: What Would Andy Do Wednesdays
Every Wednesday Andy Larkin will be coming by do drop some knowledge on you foos and foosettes. so curb yo nog.

THURSDAY: Technology Thursdys
Thursdays are all about technology, It could be about the latest Croc technology or that movie TRON.... remember TRON!?.... I hear they are making a TRON 2.

FRIDAY: FUCK IT Fridays
Fuck it, I'll do whatever I want, or I won't

SATURDAY: SHaterday
I hate on somthing, it could be anything... there's a bunch of things to be bummed out on out there.

SUNDAY: ENTERTAIN YOURSELF DAMNITT
No Seriously... go outside or somthing... leave me alone

2008-08-31T08:00:00.001-07:00

I currently dont know how many of these i have consumed

2008-08-30T12:48:00.001-07:00

James and the giant peach

2008-08-30T12:47:00.001-07:00

80 year old diners and stolen VCRs

2008-08-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

It is effin gloomy out

The Modern Evolution of Transportation

2008-08-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

Remember when the first Segway scooter came out? It was supposed to revolutionize transportation, and it did! For years the Segway remained unchanged, why mess with perfection , right? But if you combine perfection, with amazingness, you get gold BABY! and by that I'm talking about the combination of Segway and Rollerblades that is.....

THE EASY GLIDER

Presenting The Easy Glider

THE FUTURE IS NOW!!!

You can even combine your longboard with it, and if theres one thing I like is finding new ways to enjoy my ol' sector nine long board! shred on bra!

The segway is not the only mode of transportation to get a modern facelift.. look out cyclists, you better make some room in that dumpster for your fixie because there is a new weird bike on the market..

THE H-ZONTAL BIKE

This takes real skill to pilot, a real man to harness... are you man enough?

It looks like the future of transportation is bright

so bright I have to wear shades...

HOLY FUCK!!!!!1111oneoneone

2008-08-27T07:51:00.001-07:00

This is the ultimate in frat-ish douche-baggary.

Slow and steady wins the race

2008-08-25T14:54:00.000-07:00

Often times I have fucked up doing something because I was in a rush, maybe pouring cereal, or pumping up a bike tire... but those usually end in a small mess or a popped tire. One young father has paid the ultimate price for not taking the extra second, or ten, to problem solve:

(not actual picture of said father)

A 22 year old man by the name of Miguel Angel Rivera Lemus fell on a knife trying to save his children that he accidentally locked in the car.

police said "the couple tried to find a way to open the car. The wife searched for a spare set of keys. Lemus, meanwhile, grabbed a large butcher knife which police believe he was going to use to pry open the car’s window"

"But as Lemus went out of the apartment, he fell down six stairs and landed on the knife"

.....Well fuuuuck........

Police said "he managed to return to the apartment unit and asked his wife to call 911. She had been able to get the children out of the car using a spare set of keys. The children were not injured"

He later died at Carolinas Medical Center

(Original story)

Batman & Robin forever

2008-08-24T11:28:00.000-07:00

I know Robin has been left out of the last couple of Batmovies, so here is a tribute to Batman and Robin and their un-dieing bond that has survived generations....

The optimist

2008-08-21T14:36:00.000-07:00

Craigslist is an amazing resource, you can find jobs, housing, or almost anything you'd want to buy second hand...... Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, as I currently do. A quick browse of craigslist for Lloydminster's things for sale you get less than 5 listings in the last 2 months. One listing is for a 80 ft HAM Radio tower, seemingly very useless... but it is only 300 dollars... soooo bargain! Also up for sale is both pokemon red and blue 50 bucks, again bargain! but that's about it, unless you go to the personals section. That section is just flooded, but it's all from one 38 year old man looking for a good time. Every couple days he posts multiple listings looking for a lady to join him for a night of no strings attached hotel room fun. The thing is he is the only listing on the personals for the entire town. He's also been posting for some time......

because as you can see sometime between July 14th and August 1st he went from a 37 male to a 38 male..... So here is to you Lloydminsters most optimistic man, Happy belated Birthday! Keep reaching for that rainbow

Git learn'D: Olympic Games

2008-08-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

I spend allot of my free time on the internet, and sometimes I even learn things. For example, there are many sports in the Olympic games you may not know (or care) about. For example I never knew about this Modern Pentathlon. It makes that cross-country skiing and gun shooting winter sport look like a cake walk on easy street... but who knows these days maybe cake eating street walking could be a olympic sport some day, here's hoping... but anyway Modern Pentathlon is fencing, pistol shooting, 200m freestyle swimming, show jumping on horseback, and then a 3km run... Holy Fuck....

I believe all future wars should be fought using only these 5 disciplines, and broadcast , I'm sure allot of horses would be slain... but im sure there is a glue shortage somewhere.... right?

A couple new sports also made their debut at these Olympic games:

BMX:

Olympic Girl Kissing:

And

The Chinese Fire Drill

... my bet is China for gold.. almost seems unfair really

MANdy

2008-08-20T20:03:00.000-07:00

Seems like a special someone has a secrect admirer on the lil ol missed connections..

WHO?

Sound like anyone you knooow?

Git learn'D: Lifetime Achievement; Hulk Hogan

2008-08-20T19:06:00.000-07:00

Hulk Hogan first appeared to me as a wrestling Superstar, ever since I remember wrestling I can remember Hulk being there. I'm pretty sure he wrestled late into his 70s. But the wrestling ring was not big enough for him, he was a star that no steel cage could contain. He went on to appear in many amazing films such as;

Which now shows how much of a ripoff artist Vin Desil is, Pacifier my ass.

I actually remember renting this as a kid but it didn't work, fucking VHS tapes, so we returned it and rented the fucking SUPER SCOPE!

and it ruled.... but anyways....

Santa with muscles, of course a obvious precursor to the smash hit...

JINGLE ALL THE WAY!

I have nothing bad to say about Jingle all the way.... I actually enjoy this movie, and have viewed it at least 20 times in its entirety

One would think, after years and years of Hulkamania, old Hogan would slow down..... FUCK NO! He is all over the place, American Gladiators, Hogan Knows Best, and pimping out his daughter, he shows no sign of slowing down those 24 inch pythons. Not saying he didn't fumble in a few of his ventures.....

PASTAMANIA!

Apperantly nobody wanted to go to a Hulk Hogan Pasta restaurant, go figure, but he sure was enthusiastic about it

A Music Career

So Brooke Hogan isnt the first musician in the Hogan lineage, Hulk released an amazing CD, with a great track list:

1. Hulkster's in the House

2. American Made

3. Hulkster's Back

4. Wrestling Boot Traveling Band

5. Bad to the Bone

6. I Want To Be A Hulkamaniac

7. Beach Patrol

8. Hulk's The One

9. Hulkster in Heaven

10. Hulk Rules

All are pretty good song's but the standout is the very danceable, I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac:

Now I Leave you with Baby Hulk, a picture I photoshopped years ago, a time when I frequented internet forums, where I once posted it. I lost the picture off my computer, as it was made at least four to five computers ago. But the picture resurfaced as my friend Eric's Facebook profile picture. Imagine my surprise to learn the stupid photoshop I made years ago circled around the internet, and to come back to me again ......... OOOooo OOoooo Its magic, you know.

God bless Hulk, God bless

BOY TOYS!

2008-08-18T20:34:00.000-07:00

When I was young I always looked forward to Christmas and my birthday... why?... MOTHERFUCKING presents that's why. But as I got older and less interested in toys and video games, and no longer trusted the judgment of my parents to get me a present that I'd actually enjoy, these occasions turned into "I get money so I can feed myself and continue my ridiculous lifestyle days". I'm always envious of my friends who get presents from their parents that are thoughtful, practical, or show that the parents know their child at least a little. So now that I have two jobs, and I can feed myself, I hope maybe the days could return... so mom If you finally figured out to use a computer... which in all honesty I hope you haven't..... I only want one thing for my birthday next month......

GIANT FUCKING JENGA!!!!

THIS ISNT YOU GRANDMOTHERS FUCKING JENGA!!! as you can see she is about to shit her fucking pants!!!

Because if toy companies these days knew shit, they would just take what I liked as a kid and make it fucking giant.

like a giant Lego T-Rex, its just awesome people

But toy companies are to busy making things like........

Cum on your Friends guns

And Basement Flooding Pups

Kids these days are gonna grow up to be super messed up methinks..

JESUS CHRIST, your good at sports!

2008-08-18T11:20:00.000-07:00

Get one of these Jesus motivational statues for the little team sports enthusiast in your life at CRISTIAN SHOPPER DOT COM

Jesus can help you with your swing.

Also Jesus is always down to settle disputes with violence.

I though Jesus didn't like hockey because he was always getting nailed into the boards...

Let jesus help you with your grip.

don't side tackle Jesus... its rude...

But tackling him is still fair game.

Holy fuck he dosen't even wear ski boots, those are just sandals on skis, H-Core Jesus.... H-Core...

Last but not least, Jesus is always down for a little rollerblading... on grass....

Sick ink bra!

2008-08-17T15:01:00.000-07:00

I'm currently in a small town in Alberta, It is called Lloydminster. The people here enjoy the simpler things in life, like white sunglasses, puka shell necklaces, UFC, yellow cars, and white sunglasses. Also I see allot of questionable tattoos, tribal and barbed wire are popular, as are fire. Today I was in line at the local Canadian Tire and I saw a young man with a leg tattoo, it was simply the Dragon optic company logo. It is not the first time Ive seen this particular tattoo on someone in this town but I did feel it was worth documenting. I didn't have a blogging device on me so I quickly photo-shopped a image of it.

(he didnt have a cyborg leg, it was just one of the first photos that came up on google)

SICK INK BRA!

alsooo....

I took this pic when I was still in Whistler... I saw this dude at the bar... and I immediately ran to Fraser to borrow to his camera to capture the magic.. I'm thinking of getting this piece for myself.

Classifieds

2008-08-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

Some times I just browse around craigslist or kijiji, just to find ridiculous classifieds, or hilarious personals. So you can imagine the surprise when I came across this gem "want to trade new pocket bike for small breed puppy". My first thought was "are you serious!?" and clicked the link wondering what kind of person tries to trade a miniature motorcycle for a dog. Hoping for another portal to failure, what I actually found was a very sweet story of a kid trying to trade his pocket bike for a dog to cheer up his mother, as she had recently lost a dog....

You can see the original add here:

(click to enlarge)

Damn you Internet classifieds, for restoring some of my faith in humanity.... I guess I have to go to the mall now, and look at fat people in UFC shirts with dirty white sneakers, to feel better about myself..

PSAs

2008-08-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid I remember seeing this.... and I thought it was real, I was a dumb kid, ok...... I always wanted myself a house hippo, seemed like they would make a good pet, and they were so gosh darn cute. I came across it again a handful of times still didn't think think anything of it until one day I actually listened to the last part of it. A message telling me that it wasn't real, It took a little while to sink in and once again I am a fucking idiot.

I seems like a coons age since I first came across this PSA, and according to the phone number and website it was originally on it's from Calgary. Apparently it was to sweary and punchy to be shown on TV, but given the choice between the workplace accident PSAs and this I'd much rather have this airing on TV. Sure the workplace accident one have shock value but these domestic violence ones have staying power. And if you haven't seen the workplace accident ones here they are:

Not AS funy as the domestic violence ones.... so to end this post on a good note one more domestic violence PSA!

And the gold medal goes to

2008-08-13T16:51:00.000-07:00

To go with the weightlifting theme, this guy won the gold metal at Beijing, for wanting it bad enough... i belive gold medals should be awarded for wanting it bad enough.... he ended up trying so hard that he turned his arm backwards..... thanks for keeping the bones under the skin champ!

Heart of a champion, arm of a corkscrew...

Hey Remember: Pokemon

2008-08-12T14:13:00.000-07:00

When pokemon hit the scene I was super into it, I was into the game and I was into the show. Every day after school I'd get home and grab a fat stack of oatmeal raisin cookies, and head to the basement where I'd watch the new episode of Pokemon and jam out to the Pokerap. It was sick, while it lasted, but eventually the episodes became reruns, and I pretty much mastered the pokerap. I did continue to squeeze many hours of enjoyment out of that little red cartridge, and yes I had red, because Charizard is bad ass, and fire is cool. The only reason you should have blue is because your friend already had red, and you guys wanted to trade shit. No one should pick squirtle by choice as their first main pokemon... because given the choice between fire and water, the choice is always fire is and always will be way more bad ass. You don't give your kids flamethrowers, you give them Super-Soakers, because its pussy kid shit. Bulbasaur is Switzerland, neutral territory, but he did shoot leaves like ninja stars... and ninjas are cool, so he is cooler than those quee'ah squirtles. Also by the rules of Captain Planet, fire is a bad ass American, possibly one of the world's only ginger superheros, and water is a Asian girl... So to review fire is for bad asses burning shit, and water is for little Asian girls. If you still think water is cool because it puts out fire, tell it to the burn ward.

Also fucking mewtwo... the most wile and elusive pokemon of them all... fuck him...

So If anyone remembers mewtwo there is only one of him in the entire game. I had to fight him over and over and over again. He was way to hard to capture, and trying to catch him ended in a drained battery on more than one occasion for me. But after much stick-to-it-iveness I caught him..... a feat I believed few capable of. So I went to my one friends house to gloat about it... yea my one friend... because I was, and probably still am, a loser. And when I dropped the knowledge on him about my conquest, he asked why I didn' just use the masterball... the pokeball that catches anything first try.....FUCK...... totally forgot about the masterball.... why? because I used it on a fucking Pikachu.... because I wanted a fucking pikachu...fuck...... and with that all the pokemon mastery I believed I had, turned into a realization that I'm a fucking idiot....

The Masters

2008-08-11T15:09:00.000-07:00

There will always be people better than you at the things you enjoy. Some take this as a challenge something to aspire to, or even be better than. I say the most important things in life can be broken up into three categories; love, eating, and biking. After scouring the series of tubes, that is this information super-highway. I have found the three masters of these domains.

Love:
When people think of love, they usually think of beautiful people, because love is a beautiful idea. The thing is, love is a real thing, and people don't think of real love, ya dig? Love is not only for the beautiful its for everyone, and lets be real, everyone else is ugly. So I present to you the beauty of ugly love, with the waffle house wedding:

Eating:
I fucking love eating, its the best. I wish i could just eat and eat and fucking eat and not worry about a thing. Some people do, those few lucky vikings, I salute you, I once was on that path but I bitched out and started regulating my food intake... fucking quee'ah eh? This man, he is the winner of eating. His name, Manuel "Meme" Uribe, and he is finally mobile thanks to his new special bed, I bet he is headed right for a drive through, to win at eating some more. Meme even has a girlfriend, who he is getting engaged to, so all you fat slobs, there's girls into that shit, hit it up, super models are shallow anyways. He is the worlds heaviest man thus, he wins, he eats more than anyone so he's the winner of eating. You may think you eat allot but I don't see your freakish ass in the Guinness book of world records.. do I?!..... unless you are... then I apologize, and if your that fingernail guy, I'm just impressed you could work a computer with those monstrosities you call nails, having gross nails isn't cool.... eating is... cut those nails and hit up a burger, PEACE.

Biking:
Biking is fucking awesome, my favorite variety is beer-cycling. Biking is just great in every aspect, its hard to fuck up biking, but some people do. I have nothing against fixed gear bikes, I have one, Its good times. But there are some people who just gay the shit out of it, you know who you are... Fixie riders are the reason I was wary about getting one for myself, but whatever just fuck it. There are some people who just do their own thing, and make it cool, it could be the gayest shit, like devil stick, but if you just commit to it in the right way, people will think its sick too. For example take this crew of Trinidadian teens, in a world where track bikes and FIXED LIFE! reign supreme, they actually keep it real. They are just kids who are trying to push each other to put the sickest sound system on their crappy BMXs. They are cooler than you'll ever be.... im talking to you fingernail guy...

Huur

2008-08-08T19:51:00.000-07:00

So I cut off all my hair

........big whoop wanna fight about it

Goin for the GOLD!

2008-08-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

In a lighter note, I present to you the Ukrainian "Women's" Weightlifting team:

STOP, THIEF!

2008-08-08T09:58:00.000-07:00

This morning, at six AM, I was getting into my car to go to work, but I came upon some kind of great crime scene. What I saw was a mess of wires where my TV was.... well it was a stereo deck, that also had a TV in it, thanks Xzibit. Instead of getting mad, or bummed out, it didn't really hit me. I stood there looking at the scene, looked around, then back at the scene, like it was a figment of my imagination. I'm happy the thief didn't steal anything really important, like my birth certificate that was sitting in the glove box, for some reason, but they did take my deck, phone, and ipod... all seemingly good things to steal. But except for the phone.. unless they made a heck of allot of phone calls between some time past midnight, when I assume they stole it, and 9 am when i disconnected it. It is not even a nice phone, basically loaner phones from the phone-mart look space age compared to this phone... it only has nine buttons.... NINE!! there are 10 numbers, needed for dialing..... each button has to compensate by having two to four functions. The phone sucks. In all honesty the DVD player and ipod was a good steal, good on you thief(s) you won this round.. also thank you for not stealing my work boots I did need those today.

Things I bought, with money!: Bike

2008-08-05T12:20:00.001-07:00

On my trip to Vancouver I purchased a new track bike to replace the old conversion I was riding, pictured below

I ended up getting a Fuji Track

Needless to say I was super excited about it

Over the weekend I'd say I spent around $350-$450 on parts for it, so I could make it look super neato. Also over the weekend I'd say i fell 300-400 times trying to do tricks on my bike drunk.. or sober.... The most memorable of the weekend had to be the attempted wheelie infront of around 30 homeless people downtown. It was a disaster... but still probably the most fun I have had in months.

Shine on you crazy diamond

Fieldtrip: Vancouver 1.2

2008-08-05T11:31:00.001-07:00

We stopped for gas on the way to Richmond

Igby was there

As was I, obviously

Andy got a gas station sandwich

We went down Windjammer street, over to Jimmys Joker, then down Chainsaw ridge

Andy won and got a billion mint and surprisingly good records for $3.25 and pocket lint

This has to be Richmond

We got to the night market, and it sucked

I was not impressed by the crappyness ... of everything, but my company

So we went beercycling

.. and rode off into the night

Style Innovation

2008-08-03T12:57:00.000-07:00

Fieldtrip: Vancouver 1.1

2008-08-01T11:51:00.000-07:00

I arrived in van, and went straight to the circle

Andy was working hard as per usual

I bought a new bike, so we grabbed our 2 liter beers and started on our way

2Litres and ocean views

double blog!

i wasn't even looking at anything

This is what a real man looks like

Then we did stunts

Andy has the eye of the tiger

It got dark and rainy, so we grabbed the skytrain back to Andy's

But not before stopping for another break to enjoy our 2L Riding Dirty alcoholic beverages

Then we went to the Bourbon, and it suck'd except for the time i puked, and got grabbed by a African Canadian street vagrant for running to fast, apparently you shouldn't sprint full tilt in gas town.

MORE TO COME!

Check out my Gravel Pit

2008-07-30T18:22:00.000-07:00

Apparently a rolling stones reunion concert is being held on the sea to sky for the next five days. So the rock slide will be stopping me from traveling to Whistler this weekend. Once again rocks getting in my way of having a good time. But in recent conversation, with one Andrew Larkin, dealing with a town full of Extreme action sports athletes, the answer would be simple......

... Just jump it brah!

no need to be a bunch of Quee'ahs about this. Go out there and get your Xtreme Games on over that shit.If you guys want to get out of Whistler or make your flights or some other Vancouver related crap, you guys got to quit being such pussys and just, rip it brah, but you might say:

"isn't is dangerous?"
"nah, you just need to rip it"

"but i don't have those kind of skills, what do you think i am Jordie Lunn? I could get hurt!"
"not if you just rip it"

"what caused this rock slide?
"it is believed by some mythologies that rock slides happen when Norse Gods rip it too hard"

The keynote of this presentation is if you guys want to get to, or out of, Whistler you guys just need to Rip it.... possibly with crudely constructed plans... Go to it my friends i believe in you!

a day trip

2008-07-29T18:35:00.000-07:00

I wake up to another flat Albertan morning

I grabbed a coffee to help tackle the morning

and it was as hot as Satan's dick!

all roads in Alberta look like this..

so you can drive like this

and I now present to you, a guided tour of West Edmonton Mall

How To: feel better about yourself

2008-07-28T23:17:00.000-07:00

Whenever i'm feeling down on myself, I like to take comfort in the fact that no matter how bad things get, there is always someone more sad and pathetic than I could ever be. Now I'm sure you're asking "but James how can I observe the complete bottom of the barrel, without their loserieness rubbing off on me, and infecting my life with hepatitis F(ailure)?" I have your answer.... CRAIGSLIST! , yes craigslist. I suggest you head over there and read the personals they will make you all bright eyed and bushy tailed about life. Not only does it let you observe the loserieness of people in your immediate area, and not have to be physically near them, but there is a special little nook of failure that never, ever, EEeeeeeever gets to see the bright light of success. This nook, is missed connections.

.

This is a special area for the socially retarded to post when a girl or guy maybe looked at or talked to them, and they go home to post on the internet, to ask the person if they were flirting, or interested in them... the thing is, in 120% of these missed "connections", the person being sought after does not see the posting. This is because the person was not interested, and if they were, their first thought would not be to go home and check if this person posted a missed connection on craigslist.

exhibit a:

to: 2 Cute Girls, dark Toyota Echo, southbound - m4w (St. Albert Trail, N. of Yellowhead)

I was in a grey jeep. You smiled over at me and kinda giggled to each other and I smiled back, kinda surpised looking. When I looked over again, you two were gone, at least 10 cars back in the traffic. It was a Monday or Tuesday.

this is only a little sad... I'm sure those girls were not laughing at him, it must have been something that gosh darn Howard Stern said on the radio, he's a laugh riot... but that's nothing compared to the cases of full blown F.A.I.D.S (Failure A.I.D.S)

exhibit b:

to: Girl at the Cosco in Burnaby

i dont normally do this, nor do i think you'll be looking here but...

you were sitting across from me, drop dead gorgeous aussie, new z or brit...coudln't tell - usually can...didn't want to over-eaves drop, ha... thought you were with that guy that may have been a coworker?

anyway, i was too chicken to intervene or at least say hi...you were stunning... i was tired and annoyed by work; though hardly an excuse..

i actually dont remember the last time i had a hot dog, but i may have to visit again..though by the sounds of it you'll never eat there.. lunch at some place good?

ahhh eavesdropping, then posting on the Internet about it, the true way to a woman's heart

these are but weak examples of what great failures walk amongst us.. some times you'll stumble upon postings so bad that you will quit looking because seemingly nothing will ever top it... the greatest one I have had the pleasure of reading was about a girl trying to get a hold of a guy she preformed felatio on and his only distinguishing marking was a Meatloaf album cover he had tattooed on his pelvis area.

If you want it to be good girl, get yourself a bad boy

2008-07-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

Damn Dirty Apes

2008-07-27T08:07:00.000-07:00

It seems with everyone focusing on high gas, Obama related campaign coverage and with the outlawing of trans fats, people don't seem to realize the underground ape insurgence, that threatens us all. It seems all these years of teaching those damn apes human behavior like wearing clothes, acting in movies, and even smoking, has taught them think they are human. What really has me outraged is the news, in china, a monkey pig hybrid has been born!

"Villagers were shocked after a monkey-like piglet was born in China. Curious locals flocked to the home of owner Feng Changlin after news of the piglet spread in Fengzhang village, Xiping township. 'It's hideous. No one will be willing to buy it, and it scares the family to even look at it!' Feng told Oriental Today."

Now they are mating with our pigs?! when is this going to end? it's only a matter of time before you come from work early, to find a ape in your bed enjoying a smooth menthol cigarette after making sweet love to your wife...

... or pig

Honky Tonk Badonkadonk

2008-07-26T22:47:00.000-07:00

I now propose my pick for song of the century.....

How did this even happen? it boggles my mind!

How to: Be a tough guy

2008-07-26T13:05:00.000-07:00

Grenade is jumping into the ring, what ring you ask? Well it's a ring filled with ripped men in booty shorts holding one another ... thrown in some punching and you got yourself a sport buddy! Yes, grenade is now making MMA apparel, and sponsoring MMA fighters. So get your fauxhawk and distressed jeans over to http://www.grenadegloves.com/shop.php?cat=12

Nazi Whales

2008-07-26T11:06:00.000-07:00

Baby beluga in the deep blue sea,
Swim so wild and you swim so free.
The world never knew you were nazi.

BLOGGING?!

2008-07-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

Blogging attempts usually end after three entries for me, so if I make it to four, it will have been a personal best.

Blaoize Moi